how am i suppose to hang out with you guys and not drift away when i’m never invited?
how do you expect me to “weigh” you guys more if you can’t invite me to go out with you?
how am i suppose to be part of your lives when the closest I get is looking at pictures of you guys hanging out, having fun on facebook?
how can you even blame me for drifting away when you’ve rejected all my hangouts and never once invited me to yours?

you guys have rejected me so many times and made me feel like an outcast for the past 7 months that i don’t even think I want you guys back anymore. Honestly, for the past seven months, I’ve been feeling like this. feeling like complete worthless shit.

and what’s more? When I confront my feelings of how I felt lonely because I didn’t get invited to so and so, you make me feel better and tell me you will the next time. Well, guess what? It’s been 6 months. Nothing. Is there some kinda pig that’s intercepting my mail? No, I don’t think so.

How am I suppose to believe that you even care about me when you  haven’t shown the least bit of acknowledgement in the past seven months?

SAD and VDAY :)

Friday was SAD (sister appreciation day) at church. The guys appreciated the girls, cooked us dinner, gave us flowers and drove us to william’s house. It was very nice and very cute. I actually don’t think that the girls would be able to pull off something like this. However, one disappointment: I thought we were supposed to look “presentable.” Only the guys looked presentable. Very few girls dressed up. Maybe it was because it was cold.

Whatever! I wore my dress though I love dresses. I want to buy more dresses!

And then for valentines day, peter gave me see’s candy lollipops (my favs) and he wrote me a story book! so cute. And he didn’t end the story so then I can finish it It was very thoughtful and I’ve never had a present like that before. We went out to eat at a little italian place- had some really good gourmet pizza and alfredo. Yum

this is so cuteeeee. to do this, he went on my aim.

Something that I realized.

After you’ve been together for a long time, things change. I feel so different this valentines than I did last year. Last year, I felt really materialistic and selfish. I remember all my life, I’ve imagined valentines day to be the day where the guys empty their wallets, pre-order flowers and act as prince charmings. And even last year, I think I had that mentality. But this year, I don’t care. I don’t care if Peter spends money on me or not (thank you for spending money on me). And I don’t really want to make it all “big.” I had a good valentines. We gave each other some gifts, went out for a cute, peaceful lunch, went back to my house, did some homework and played games. I like this. I like the fact that I’m so comfortable with Peter. I don’t care about my eating habits, farting habits, burping habits, whatever habits. You may think that I’m gross…and I am gross. But, I’m also human. Relationships take a long time. It’s taken me 1.5 years to realize that I don’t enjoy celebrating “big.”

Sunday School

I used to love going to sunday school. I always really enjoyed Norbert’s sermons. I felt like the Genesis group really helped me grow in both knowledge and in faith. But now, I’m in college and I no longer belong with the rest of the highschoolers in Genesis. I’m in acts. But, I don’t feel like I’m in acts. Nor do I feel like I learn anything. I feel as if, sunday school is draining me of my energy.

I hate going to sunday school. I actually dread it now. When I’m in acts sunday school, I listen for about ten minutes and then i doze off..in my own lala land. I actually feel like my relationship with Christ has suffered after I left Genesis. I don’t know what is going on in acts. It’s so disorganized. And no, I don’t mean to bash and criticize it. I’m merely…stating my point of view and actually, what alot of other people are thinking. I know several friends who don’t go to church as often anymore and who don’t go to sunday school because they feel the exact, same way. I don’t know what acts is doing. One week, we do this. The next week, we do this. Then, we join with the adults. And then we talk for a whole hour and a half. Then we join adults again. And then we do this. So seriously, there’s no continuation…no organization…no point…no theme…no lessons tied together…no fun…no things that stay in my head…no excitement. I feel drained. I feel like a little kid who doesn’t want to wake up for school. And acts planning is terrible. Retreat..we planned it for december then changed it to january then feb president’s day weekend then feb valentines day weekend?

Yeah, okay, whatever.
So..what do I do?
Do I stay in acts, doze off, not listen, waste my time or do I stand up and be blunt and “wow susan’s mean” or do I change churches?

On a happier note,
happy birthday, mom! only 47 years young. (I don’t know if it’s just me but I feel like my mom looks younger every year…she’s very energetic)
Thanks for years of support and hard work
Hope you like the necklace and shirt that Peter and I put our money into

Oh and, I’m moving before the end of february. The walnut house is already rented. The tenants came to sign the contract today. It’s done. Good-bye walnut house. Hello Corona house.
I’m going to miss walnut because
1) memories
2) moving is a hassle
3) its so close to peter’s!!
4) i’ve built an attachment to my walnut house
5) will miss the neighbors. they were good neighbors.

But i will enjoy the corona house because
1) it’s twice the size of the walnut house
2) it’s newer. the house is gorgeous no doubt.
3) i get two bedrooms
4) i love furniture shopping. byebye money!